Queer Identity

How do queer St. Louisans conceptualize gender & sexuality, and navigate the expectations & structures imposed by these social constructions?

Queer St. Louisans share their stories around fluidity, pronouns, family, acceptance, self-exploration, Blackness, ballroom, aromanticism, and more ⬇️

"I'm a bad bitch. I'm that nigga. I don't think you understand it. Like, I feel like that's exactly what my gender is to me.

My gender is like a star. Stars are all these unique gasses of energy, balls of energy, and they're all different to the point that like scientists care enough to label each and every single one of them, which is just exactly like what my gender is. Like it's, I'm a woman, but also I'm me, I'm chronically ill, I'm this, I'm that.”

– Alexis Nichole (she / they / star)

“Gender is a complicated thing, you know? Some days you just wake up and it's like, ‘who am I?’ Those things are never settled. I don't think I'm ever in a solid state.

Trying to conceptualize gender in itself is already so challenging. I will say that I have never liked putting labels on myself. I don't like labels for most things. I traditionally will just go by queer. That is the blanket umbrella term that I will hide behind every single time. Anyone who is a part of the LGBT community can consider themselves queer, and I kind of like the fluidity that comes with that. There's days where I wake up and I might not want anyone to know that I am like a very queer person, and some days where I wake up and I would like to be perceived as a sex that is not my own. I think that it's beautiful that I get to live such a fluid lifestyle. I think St. Louis is a great place to do that, and I think I'm finding really good communities to do that in.”

– Drew Ryherd (he / they / she)

“Black masculinity, black humanity is queer already because we're not the standard. We're not the standard that white supremacist patriarchy has set up for us. Being a disabled person, I feel like my disability cannot exist outside of my blackness. I can't really even untangle being black and disabled, because I feel like there are times when like being a disabled girl, even if I'm in a room full of all black people, it's like I'm queer.”

– Alexis Nichole (she / they / star)

“What [gender/sexuality] means to me is kind of just “no” to a lot of things in the world. It's confusing, I'm kind of aromantic, so just a lot of the things that the world says about the normal path of life, it just doesn't apply to me in my life. And that's both cool and also really scary because you don't really know what the path is.

I'm confident in who I am and I know that, but I think as far as letting other people know, it’s very scary.”

– Len Wood (they/them)

Photo of Maven Lee (he / they)

“I think my gender and sexuality means the constant finding of myself, and loving myself, which I find in loving other black girls and black women. I think that was reworking of going to school and finding my way to black feminism academically and then finding out that actually I'm queer. But loving other black women through friendships and mentors, romantic and sexual love, has helped me love myself and I'm so forever grateful for it. I don't think I would be alive right now, if not for my understanding of that love. And it's forever. I can find it, even if I am in isolation in COVID or in my room alone, I can still open a book. I can still open my notes app and write a poem for that love.”

– Alexis Nichole (she / they / star)

Photo of H Stabler (they/them)

Photo of Lenna Catrett (they/them)

“I think, for one, it's just so interesting that for neopronouns, my only access to them is white queer people using them on TikTok. And it's just like, well, why do they get to have all the fun? I think that respectability politics is unfortunate sometimes. White supremacist society has really boxed in how far black queer people really want to go because of the way that it will be received by larger society, but also our family and friends. And I think the flow of gender I think is something that even if you come from an accepting family, I think it's something that's still continuously being unpacked.”

– Alexis Nichole (she / they / star)

“Gender and sexuality is confusing. I’m only 12, so I’m figuring it out. But I feel like once I figure it out, I feel better about myself. I feel more validated.

Learning more about gender felt like a whole new world. When I was younger, I didn't even know, like I thought it was just ‘boy’ and ‘girl’. I didn't know about gender fluid, gender queer. I didn't know anything about that. But like, it felt like a whole new world. Like ‘oh, there's so many other things.’”

– Bree

Photo of Rockette Jaros (they/them)

“It's the soft power of affirming someone's gender that is most effective, I think. Using someone's pronouns correctly, knowing how to make someone feel seen in ways that extend not only in the formalities of using the language that is appreciated and respected, but in all of the ways they can't be described in words down to body language.”

– Drew Ryherd (he / they / she)

Photo of Jet McDonald (they/them)

“I was thinking about my first time walking in Ballroom, that I was free because I was around community, I was embraced by community. I felt like I could be all of my aspects at once. It was a runway category, so it was like I could be a little femme, I could be a little masc, I could be a little in between. I could be all the things without judgment or fear of judgment. So it was just nice to have that moment of like, I'm doing the damn thing. I'm enjoying myself. I'm being myself.”

– Bryce Davis (he/him)

“In my limited experience with other black women and women, I don't think that safe sex is the norm. I think safe sex is taboo, even. Like, ‘oh, why do you care about dental dams? Or why do you care about this?’ I think also being somebody who's chronically ill and has had a lot of experience with the medical industry, my ‘yes’ was snatched from me so early on as a child.”

– Alexis Nichole (she / they / star)

What does it mean for queer St. Louisans to thrive?

  • To feel comfortable & safe. To have space to enjoy our lives & support each other!